That's a pretty bold statement to make about Law Enforcement personnel who are in recovery. A hero is defined in The American Heritage Dictionary two ways. One as a person who is celebrated for their strength and bold exploits. This definition describes our actions in our working life. But do we think of ourselves as heroes? Rising to the occasion of per- forming above and beyond the realm of our normal duties, we are quick to shun any acknowledgment of our actions. We tend to present the blasé attitude that we were" just doing our job". That's on the outside. On the inside we puffed with pride and were elated the opportunity arose, and we prevailed overwhelmingly! The second definition is a person noted for their special achievements. I believe that describes those of us in recovery. We have come face to face and toe to toe with an addiction that has lied to us, robbed us of family and friends, and ultimately would have taken our lives had we let it.

      For some of us we embraced this addiction with the passion of a love affair. We were willing to sacrifice our family, friends, beliefs, and even our dignity to feed this disease. We lied, cheated, maybe stole, even crossed the line of the law to acquire our drug of choice. In the end it boxed us into a corner and brought us to our knees looking for a way out. If we tried to go it alone it meant days of shaking and sleepless nights. In this state we feared visits from family and friends and cringed every time the phone rang. We didn't or couldn't accept help from anyone. Isolation and misery was added to physical illness. The only thing that would help was the very substance that brought us to this hell. Maybe we prayed to our God for relief or cursed Him for giving us this addiction we couldn't control. In the end if we didn't tough it out and seek help, we were right back at the same level of addiction swearing; "it will be different this time". (Assuming we lived to try again.)

      For a civilian the physical effects of addiction are enough to cause an early death. In Law Enforcement we add many more factors to our chances of an early demise. The conditions and environment in which we work demand us to be emotionally, mentality, and physically alert. When we are in the depths of addiction we can not sense or perceive the situations around us. That mechanism that seems built into us which signals a warning or alarm isn't working or worse is sending us false information. This not only jeopardizes us but also the people we work with and the persons we are sworn to protect.

      Now with all that behind us we fight a new battle. It's a battle against relapse and it's a constant, daily, sometimes hourly fight. We have to rearrange our lifestyles and priorities in order to remain sober. Our sobriety must become the most important issue in our lives. We've come to the realization that if we are not sober we can not function as a spouse, parent, friend or officer. We return to the feelings of being a social misfit, unable to cope with everyday life without some kind of substance to rely on.

      We have faced the fact that while we have stopped drinking or drugging the world has not changed nor have any of the day to day problems we had faced before. The stress and tension are still there. The only thing that is different is the way we can now deal with these problems. The people who were most affected by our addiction do not readily welcome us back with open arms. We may know that we have changed but they're not so sure. And why would we expect them to believe the change is a permenant one? We have behaved ourselves into a certain negative image to these people and must now behave in a way that will help us regain their trust. The use of Twelve Step programs and group meetings has eased the apprehension for some of us. We have found a common bond with other people with the same disease. The decision to quit using alcohol or drugs and following up with the necessary changes is the hardest decision we've ever had to make. We have looked this demon in the face and said no more.

      Do you want to become a hero to? Do you need to be a hero? Are you thinking that this essay might apply to you? Then it does. Do you think that your drinking problem is different then everyone else's? Think again. Do you think it's too late? Then you have an opportunity to be truly heroic. It may be hard to believe, but people really do recover! (well stay in recovery, anyway). People in worse shape then you have. I know, I don't even know you, so how can I make that statement. All you have to do is come to the rooms. You'll see.

Have a question. Still not sure. Take a small chance, e-mail me.


Mark